It comes up often in 1:1 sessions… the question:
When is it Self-Care and when is it Self-Indulgence?
For many of my beloved clients, there is confusion. Often when the topic of self-care comes up, and especially around nourishment and food, it can be challenging at first to determine when it is indulgence and when it is taking care to nourish the undernourished places.
So here’s the deal (as I see it anyways)-
Self-indulgence has a quality to it where I feel like I have to justify the behavior. I find myself justifying what I know in my heart of hearts is not a good move for *most* of me.
When I’m dipping into indulging myself, some part of me knows that I’m probably not making a great decision.
I’m all up in my head giving myself all the reasons why I deserve it. There is a distinctly un-peaceful quality to it.
Self-Care has a completely different feel in so many ways. Interestingly, the “care type” behavior may look exactly the same as an indulgent choice, but self-care brings with it a feeling of nourishment and a feeling like I am tending to a place in myself, in my heart, emotions and my life that has been undressed or unexamined.
The support from these choices takes me inward to quiet places where there is ease.
So what do I mean when I say the same behavior can be either self-indulgent or deep self-nourishment? (If you did not see my post on the M&M’s you can click right here to read a personal story about this).
In that example, I was using the M & M’s to take me into a foggy space. I needed to anesthetize myself just a bit after a harrowing flight as I was unable to self-regulate my feelings and emotions by using the other ways I can typically access successfully. The peanut M & M’s were exactly what I needed.
And was super grateful for them… and ironically, do you know that more than half that bag was green? I kept seeing the “green light” and support everywhere I looked.
Was it a perfect response?
Who is to say (and perfect is overrated, anyways).
Did it get me to my desired endpoint?
Yes, in that case, it most certainly did.
Enough about me. I am curious, how you are using “indulgence” and how you are using care? Are you making choices that lead you to more peace and contentment?
Are you avoiding the more challenging feelings by using the “indulgence” to mask what wants to be felt?
It’s a fine line, and you deserve to have both indulgences and really, really deep self-care that reflects you as a person.
What is self care to me?
It can be:
- Nourishing yourself with supportive relationships
- Choosing and eating foods that make you feel energetic and alive
- Eating foods that taste good
- Tending your relationships to spend your time with people who support you
- Taking the time to meditate
- Bringing mindfulness to your day-to-day life
- Choosing to be happy- even when life brings challenges
- Creating a regular ritual that nourishes you- walking, bathing, being outside in nature
What is self care to you?
With care and love,